Less & More #2: Less Quarreling & More Peace
TL;DR
Less & More #2: Less Quarreling & More Peace
"Sometimes people say unkind or thoughtless things, and when they do, it is best to be a little hard of hearing — to tune out and not snap back in anger or impatience."
-Ruth Bader Ginsburg
It’s WEEK 2 of our Less & More Series.
This week’s theme is: LESS QUARRELING / MORE PEACE. ☮️
A year before she passed away, I had the profound privilege of hearing Ruth Bader Ginsburg speak at 92Y. Among all the brilliant gems I took away that night, I’ve called upon the following advice again and again in my own relationships — especially when I’m ready to jump into the ring, fists up.
My husband, Marc, and I at the 92Y, waiting to see RBG.
RBG related a story (that also appears in Marlo Thomas’ “The Right Words at the Right Time”) of how her mother-in-law gave her a set of wax earplugs before her wedding ceremony.
She said, “In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf… Sometimes people say unkind or thoughtless things, and when they do, it is best to be a little hard of hearing — to tune out and not snap back in anger or impatience."
In my experience, it’s 100% about "The Right Words at the Right Time.”
Maintaining a sense of ease in our relationships isn't something that just happens, it’s something that takes patience, dedication, and practice.
One way that we can actively practice PEACE in our relationships is to slow down and become more conscious of our communication with each other.
And just to be clear — there are a lot of serious conflicts happening in the world and within our country right now, and this isn't speaking to those very complex situations. We're talking about this within the context of the personal and professional relationships in your life.
ACTION OF THE WEEK: If your colleague, friend, partner, kid, or family member says something thoughtless or unkind, put in your proverbial wax earplugs, channel your inner RBG, and take a beat before responding.
Better yet, step away for five to ten minutes and allow your nervous system to cool down. If you’re in a situation where you might otherwise snap, see if you can proceed with kindness to avoid escalation.
Remember that tempers flare and then go away — you can’t control how others behave, but you can take the time to collect your breath before you re-engage. Rinse and repeat as often as necessary.
Oh, and I’m also in this practice with you right now — I did this three times yesterday ☺️