The worst-case scenario isn't the only one
TL;DR
If you are going to entertain the worst-case scenario of a situation, then you should also entertain the best and middle-of-the-road versions as well.
I was recently coaching one of my regular clients, who had just gotten invited to an industry party that she didn’t want to go to, even though it was clear from the way she was describing the event that it would be good for her to attend.
So, why didn’t she want to go?
Her: I only know the host and one other person, and I’ll probably just say hi and then have no one to talk to, and I'll feel awkward and then end up accidentally talking to someone important like my friend's agent, and when they ask me what I’ve been up to, I’ll freeze and say something self-deprecating about the strike and overshare and then excuse myself from the conversation, go to the bathroom and cry quietly before leaving and wishing I never came at all.
Me: Woof. Well, that’s a VERY convincing story of how the worst-case scenario could play out. My heart hurts for you just hearing you recount that — it’s like it already happened the way you described it! Still, I get why you went there and I will accept that as ONE possibility for how the night could go. But just for fun, what would a BEST-case scenario look like?
Her: You know, I hadn’t even considered that. Best case? I’m cool as a cucumber at the event. My friend introduces me to her agent and we click right away and the next day I get a call from his office that he wants to meet me. We have a great meeting, he loves my work and decides he wants to sign me.
Me: (about to respond—)
Her: But I don’t want to get my hopes up for something like that when it’s SO unlikely.
Me: Gotcha. I just think you should be willing to entertain the BEST-case scenario every time you entertain the WORST-case scenario, because they might even have the same likelihood of occurring.
Her: Fair point.
Me: So, tell me: what’s the MIDDLE-OF-THE-ROAD-case scenario?
Her: I’d walk into the party, excited to be there and feeling proud, like I belong. I’d feel comfortable talking about myself and I’d be interested in meeting other people, I might even introduce myself to someone new if it felt right. I’d mingle with other industry people and be less concerned about how they see me and just enjoy getting to know them, and then I’d go home that night feeling like I actually made at least one new friend or acquaintance.
Me: How does that one feel?
Her: Good! And I’m not so scared of that one.
Me: Yeah, because it’s probably what you are actually used to. Most of the time we end up experiencing a middle-of-the-road-case scenario. Our best-case scenario doesn’t come true, BUT our worst-case scenario doesn’t come true, either (even though that’s the one we spend the most time imagining).
What’s unfortunate is when we make decisions based on the worst-case scenario occurring.
I’m not saying it never will or does. But let’s be honest, if my client kept playing that worst-case scenario over and over again in her head, the chances of her actually getting to that party would've been slim to none. Or if she went, she would've basically been playing out a self-fulfilling prophecy. Who wants to walk into that fire?
Not me.
But because she was willing to imagine the best and middle cases too, she reconnected to her reason to go, and therefore, created the possibility for the middle- or best-case scenarios to happen.
So, what happened??
She went. She had a good time. Nothing magical happened, according to her…but she ended up connecting with an old friend she did a show with and reconnecting with a casting director she went to college with, and there you go — middle-of-the-road, indeed.
Most importantly, she was so glad she didn’t skip it.
It’s that old Wayne Gretzky quote: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
Bottom line, my friends — what you focus on is what you feel.
Here’s a fun exercise to help provide just enough perspective for you the next time you have an upcoming event or important opportunity and the worst-case scenario has taken over in your head.
I call this the Worst-Best-Middle-Case Scenario Game.
Write out all 3 scenarios. This is not rocket science. But here’s the most important thing to remember as you do this exercise — give all three the exact same air time as you write. Be as detailed in your Best and Middle as you are in your Worst 🙂
Worst-Case Scenario
This will no doubt be the easiest to describe, so GO FOR IT. Write it out, in as much detail as possible. It will be telling to see what details make it into this colorful description of the worst possible outcome for this event.Best-Case Scenario
This may feel harder to imagine or describe because it might feel too far away or unrealistic or you just don’t believe it will happen. That’s okay. WRITE IT DOWN ANYWAY. Think of it as gathering data. What would you love to see happen if the best possible outcome occurred?Middle-of-the-Road-Case Scenario
This is ANYTHING in between the worst and best. Which covers a lot of ground! So take some time to write this one out in as much detail as you can. What would be not the worst, but also not the best — somewhere in the middle of those two?
Once you write them all down, you have one final step: Decide which one you want to focus on, and go from there!
You can do this with almost any future event. Just make a deal with me that if you give airtime to the worst-case scenarios, you better also balance it out with the best and middle.
I’ve seen this be a game changer for my clients, and it can be one for you, too!